Category: The virtue of Justice

“The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The leader adjusts the sails.”
John Maxwell

Okay, this is the last strength in the virtue of justice and as far as I am concerned the most important one. If we lead by example, if we live the change we want to see around us, then we will influence change. Positivity is contagious.  I think I have mentioned this point before.

Who are your leaders?

Now at the risk of tarnishing someone’s street cred, I am willing to guess that whether you loved or hated school, you had that one favourite teacher who got your grades up. Whether you were a rebel with or without a cause, you still had a favourite aunt or uncle you respected, even emulated. Even now in a world where the term BFF (Best Friend Forever for those pretending not to know) is reserved for self-obsessed teenagers I know you have one. You have that one friend who just inspires you more than anyone else and whose opinion matters to you.

Some people even have an awesome boss. These are rare unicorn people, but they do exist. If you have a mug that says “best boss ever”, do not congratulate yourself just yet. Your staff can’t exactly buy you a mug that says Dou… you know what?  Never mind. Let us focus on leadership as a strength and see whether you have earned your mug. If you are working for a not so nice boss right now, send him an anonymous link to my blog, and I will see what I can do for you. No promises. As the joke goes, how many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? None, but the light bulb must want to change. Yes, I know, comedy is not my strength, but more on that later.

Qualities of Good leaders

Think about what qualities that teacher, aunt or uncle, friend or boss have. What was it about them that makes them stand out from the rest?  Do you see a pattern emerge? Let me try my hand at mind-reading. Did they tend to be more reasonable than unreasonable in their approaches?  Their personality style was more flexible than dogmatic and were they energetic in their mannerisms. They noticed and acknowledged your strengths and they were appreciative of the effort. Does not mean they were not assertive, goalless or asinine. It also does not mean that they were liked by all. Likability is not a synonym for leadership.

Why is leadership so important during this time of isolation, because a good leader gets everyone else to act in ways that achieve a mutually beneficial goal. Remember the goals we set out right at the beginning? Good leadership is how you get there. If you are familiar with Winnie the Pooh then you will know Christopher Robin is an excellent leader. All the toys jump at the opportunity to join him in any ‘expoitation’ of his choosing. Why? He allows them the space to be themselves and do things their own way, because that way, they all reach the desired result together. Good leadership promotes good citizenship and good leaders are fair. See, it is all related.

Are you a good leader?

Use this time to reflect on who you are living with. What personalities do they have? How do they match and differ from you? What are their strengths? How do your strengths compensate for their weaknesses and how do their strengths compensate for your weaknesses? Get to know one another on a new level. Make conversations meaningful and do the same to those you are virtually contacting. 

Forget the expression too many chefs spoil the broth. You are not making soup anyway, or maybe you are, but the analogy is still not valid. You are a human being with wonderful flaws. Embrace them by using the other wonderfully flawed people around you to fill in the gaps. If you are parents or grandparents, use this time to teach children about great leadership. To those who are alone, now is your chance to be that aunt, uncle or friend that someone else will see as a great leader one day. If you are a boss or a manager, well then you have no excuse. Get to know your staff on a deeper level. Find their strengths and use them. Know when you don’t know and find the person who does.

Why is leadership a strength?

Let me leave you with this example of what I mean. My husband, featured with his friend Alan Paterson in the picture above, is one of those people who LOVES people. I mean he is just a collar away from being a golden retriever.  He knows a lot about different topics because he listens and retains what other people say to him. He genuinely cares about people and what they say. They motivate him. If you stick my husband in a back office to do coding all day or paperwork, you will slowly but surely dampen his natural enthusiasm because you are not using his strength. Place him among people and let him teach as much as he learns and you will extract a remarkable quality of work out of him.

I hope that now as we move on to our new virtue and new strengths, you will continue to practice citizenship, fairness and good leadership at home.  I also hope that you are having fun with the Virtue of Justice Activity and posting the results of your efforts on my blog.

“Being good is easy, what is difficult is being just.”

Victor Hugo (1802 – 1885)

When I hear the phrase, “life is not fair” I often think of Calvin and Hobbes. Calvin complains to his dad about unfairness and his dad says;

“The world isn’t fair, Calvin.”
“I know Dad, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my [favour]?” Bill Watterson, The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

What is fairness?

Life is not fair for one of two reasons. The first is because of a problem with defining fairness. If one sees life as being unfair because you do not always get what you want or the things you think you deserve, tough luck schnook. Good fortune is different from fair.

The second reason is that many people find it difficult to treat everyone the same and that is why fairness is a strength. When a family of four has only two doughnuts (why you would do this is beyond me), the solution to fairness is simple. You cut each doughnut in half and then every member gets to have a piece and everyone’s piece is the same size (unless you cheat). It becomes harder to be fair when emotions, values and biases come into play. In the family dynamic, this is often very evident between first- and last-born children. The first child has a nursery out of a catalogue, with Pinterest worthy “Today I am one week three days and 17 hours old” special filter snaps. The last child has a mattress on the floor and for pictures, I think there is one stored somewhere in the cloud from when great-aunt Mavis came to visit. I am joking, of course, great-aunt Mavis died years ago.

Why is fairness a strength?

In this time of quarantine, I would like to encourage you to pay special attention to fairness in your living situation. Is everyone being treated the same? This is not as farfetched as you think. Like with everything, practise makes perfect. It is not so much a matter of time management as it is about mindset and behaviour. Ensuring everyone is being treated the same.

My daughter’s occupational therapist, Belinda von Wielligh, once suggested that my husband and I spend 15 minutes every night with each child one-on-one. I would spend time with our daughter doing whatever activity she picks whilst my husband would spend time with our son. After the 15 minutes, we would switch. I would like to tell you how dedicated we have been to this plan and how much we have each been enjoying it. I would like to, but you would be able to see my nose growing from right where you are sitting.

What does fairness look like?

My daughter’s occupational therapist is one of those people you marvel at. She treats everyone the same. You always feel like the most valued person in the room when you are with her and you feel so understood and supported. She never gives any indication of judgement, which is a blessing, because my daughter tells her EVERYTHING (for example, Mommy does not know how to iron – in fact, Mommy does not even know where the iron is).

She is a paragon of how inspiring but also healing, fairness can be. You watch her in action and you find yourself striving to be the same way. My husband and I honestly had every intention of doing this kids-time assignment. We were looking forward to it and had illusions of spending picture-perfect moments with our children. Naturally, it only took one miserable long day and then neither one of us were in the mood to do anything else but put the kids in bed and watch MasterChef. It has all been downhill from there. In the spirit of fairness, however, both children get put through their bedtime routine with military precision.

Not anymore. This time we are going to enhance our efforts towards fairness this week. We are going to strengthen this strength during the lockdown and we invite you to do the same.

are you fair?

Let us all use this time of isolation to build on our relationships. Not only with the people or animals living with us, but also those we are having to connect virtually with. Focus on how you are treating everyone. Are you being fair? Do you take as much interest in the life of your father-in-law as your mother-in-law? Are you showing preferential treatment to one dog over another? Are you dividing your affection equally between your goldfish? As you can tell, I know nothing about raising goldfish. I had silkworms once, and not to brag or anything, but I did not discriminate against any of them. I was disappointed in their lack of cocoon spinning equally.

Fairness after isolation

I hope you will find yourself behaving the same way towards strangers once the lockdown period is over. It does not mean you need to go out and befriend every person you meet; that would make you a weirdo. It means, treating every person as a person. Try taking a genuine interest in others. Remember, discrimination is discrimination. Full stop. It does not become okay just because you believe that a person deserves to be discriminated against. It makes you the pot calling the kettle a bigot. And with that I repeat Victor Hugo’s words to you; “Being good is easy, what is difficult is being just.”  Be the one that rises above it all, be the tolerance you crave to see in others.

TTFN