Write about you

I should have written more about you
While you were alive
I didn't know you were going to leave.
How greedy we are with time.
What would I have said?
I only know you now that you're gone.
Before you were always what I made you to be.
I  was writing for you, not about you
Did I hear what you said?
Did I mishear or did I speak for you?
Who speaks for you now?
Still me but I have no right.

While I thought you were blazing trails
You were playing light games with me.
Carefully crafted shell game
To protect me or to protect you from me?
Light refracted
Light retracted
But you always in the shadow
There before me but always shrouded
Out in the open but never in the light
Out in the sun but never out of the cold
Always hot and now forever cold.

You were frozen.
We couldn't see
The shadow was in the way.
I should have written about you when you were alive.
I should have written about your life.
Forced light into the shadow.
Pulled you out of the cold.
How could I?
I didn't know you.
It was me in the shadow.
It was you in the light.
I was just too shrouded to see.
Light absorbed
Light abhorred
It is all over now.

I should have written more when you were here
But I won't stop now that you have gone.
I will thaw in this cold shadow without you.
I will find the light
I will not write for you who is gone
But for those who remain.

Your story will be written
But under a different name.
I must write for myself now.

I should have written more about you
written while you were here,
but I will find someone to write for you 
now that you are gone.